As my online dating horrors piece is due to go up next week, I decided to put a close my dating blogs with a blog about what I learnt from doing the podcast and from my own experiences also. Unfortunately, I am fresh out of online dating tales for the moment.
Anyway, so what did we learn? Not necessarily dating tips, but what did I learn about the human condition?
We are too eager to get the other person to like us
This appears to be a running theme throughout my experiences and speaking to others. I, of course, have been guilty of this also but I think it important to address. I think this may be strictly linked with online dating because you are going in somewhat blind. Back in the old days, and you ask a girl out, you have a decent idea that they may already be interested but we are plagued with;
“What if he/she thinks I don’t look like my pictures?”
You probably don’t look like your pictures, but who cares? You still look great and your date is lucky to have you. Please remember that. You are awesome, so allow your date to basque in your awesomeness. Do not desperately try to sell yourself to your date. Just chat and if you get along, brilliant and if they want to take you home and “Roger the F**K” out of you, even better. But do not put pressure on yourself. Be you and talk like a normal conversation. Dating is about trying to find someone that you like more than the rest. Not trying to find someone to like you. If they don’t like you, its their loss. They clearly don’t want someone super awesome.
Dudes are f**kin’ Mental
Guys, please. Please pull it together. If she does not like you, get over it. Accept it and move on. Do not keep at the young lady. Unfortunately romantic comedies may have taught us boys that the weird stalker who is uber persistent will get the girl. Unfortunately, this is not the reality. Otherwise me and Taylor Swift would be married. I sent that poor girl so many dead kittens to express my love for her. But instead of receiving her love, I received a police investigation and a restraining order.
Dudes, be cool. And if she does not respond to you on whatever dating app you are on, don’t insult her body type or comment on how permiscious she may or may not be.
Crazy dudes being mental does dramatically assist my chances in dating as you make me look sane in comparison, but for my many female friends, I beg of you, please be chill.
Focus on finding a particular person and not a label
Don’t just think - “I want a boyfriend/girlfriend”, find someone that you like more than others and that you would be stoked to have them as your partner. Chase the person (but don’t be creepy, boys) not the title. You will ultimately be much more happier. If you are looking for a title rather than a person, you are unfortunately more likely to settle. Make sure the person you pick is awesome, because you are awesome!
Do not get too down hearted from the bad experiences
Also an unfortunate running theme. I have also been guilty of this. Dating fatigue is very much a thing and that is fine. For every bad experience you have, just embrace it. Think about what you will tell your friends around a few drinks. Everyone loves bad dating stories so you can be centre of attention. And we know how much you love that.
I think it is fairly common and understandable to get down trodden by a negative experience, but life my friends, is all about perspective. If you are on a date with an absolute freak, embrace it and enjoy it. You are out with someone you ordinarily would not have met in real life. Sure, he may not be prince charming or whatever the female equivalent to prince charming is…..Taylor Swift? But meeting new people is fun and you can learn more about what makes people….people. Feed your curiosity and enjoy a chat with someone you will never see again. Tell them things that you cannot tell anyone else. Make the most out of a bad situation.
Dudes are f**kin mental. Seriously
Seriously, lads. PLZ.
Do not let someone else (someone you barely know) determine your happiness
So you went on the date with the love of your life and you know this is it. But they do not feel the same. And stop texting you. What is wrong with you? What could you have done different?
And ultimately, all this thinking makes you sad. And sad is bad.
You do not know this person, and we have no idea what is happening in their life. Timing is everything. I went out on a date with a really lovely girl and she was great. Proper girlfriend material but I was just out of a relationship and I was in no way ready to get back into anything even remotely serious. I went out on a date with another wonderful creature but I was moving house at the time and just got caught up in that. We never know what is going on in their lives, no matter how trivial, it can put them off the sense.
And even if they didn’t like you, fuck them. You are awesome.
Be happy in yourself and enjoy your own company. If anyone gets to join you in your journey, lucky them! But count on yourself first. Make sure that you can provide your own happiness and anything else is a bonus.
So, with this article, we wrap up my Tinder experiments and Tinder tales. I found it all very therapeutic and thanks to everyone who sent such lovely stuff. I got a really surprising and lovely amount of feedback. It kept me warm throughout those cold lonely nights. For the moment, I am hanging up my online dating boots. I have been fortunate to go out on many dates with many lovely people, and more importantly batshit crazy people who inspired this blog but I wish to enjoy the summer with my many wonderful friends.
Being in a relationship is awesome. But so is being single.
Everything is awesome. So enjoy it.